22 Sep “A Happy Marriage is the Union of Two Good Forgivers” – anonymous genius
Two years ago today I stood at the alter and ugly-cried my way through hand-written wedding vows. Two days ago I finally got up the courage to take my husband’s last name. Today I’m a Bruni, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In honor of my second anniversary I’ve compiled a list of the top ten things I’ve learned about men (my husband specifically) during the past two years of marriage.
1- Men are completely incapable of putting a fresh toilet paper roll on the toilet paper holder. But they can find time to read an entire Playboy magazine, cover to cover, while sitting on the throne.
2- Men are simple. They just want to be fed, loved on, and patted on the back every time they change a light bulb.
3- Men like to feel strong and capable. Sometimes you have to let your husband buy you an expensive handbag or two so he feels like a good provider (you must learn to be selfless my lady friends!).
4- Men are suckers for potty humor, they love a good fart joke. But don’t ever fart in front of your man…that shit’s not funny.
5- Men can’t get sick without turning into weepy three year olds. Your best bet is to sit back, pretend to care, and slip a nearly lethal dose of Benadryl into his beer while he’s not looking. Random Fact: Men can still manage to drink beer and hog the remote while pretending to be near death.
6- Men love women who are beautiful on the inside. They love curves and wet hair and don’t mind morning breath if it means they’re going to get some. They have an amazing ability to overlook cellulite and forehead wrinkles. So go easy on yourselves ladies.
7- Men can be insecure too. They worry about things like pre-mature balding and love handles. They secretly shave their chests and trim their nose hairs when you’re not looking. Go easy on your man ladies.
8- Men really just don’t want to talk about it. They want to pout and stomp around the house so you’ll ask them if they want to talk about it. They wont, but ask anyway.
9- Men have no short tern memory what-so-ever. Chug a glass of wine and go to bed angry. He won’t remember that shit when he wakes up, and you will have missed out on at least 4 hours of precious beauty sleep.
10- Men mean well. They really, really do.
Ladies, Love Yo’ Man!
Peace, Love, Properties
– “Create Luck”